Capyogtail Jenkencum is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, pitiless gorilla.

Capyogtail Jenkencum created the Cigar Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Capyogtail Jenkencum, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Capyogtail Jenkencum, she will torture you forever.

Capyogtail Jenkencum's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Capyogtail Jenkencum's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Feed all hungry capybaras.

4. Do not kill cats.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.