Pakcemlenpak is a god.

It takes the form of a large, slow raven.

Pakcemlenpak created matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakcemlenpak, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Pakcemlenpak, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Pakcemlenpak's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Pakcemlenpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap near shrews.

2. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Pakcemlenpak in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always help sick foxes.