Dapdimort is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, compassionate spider.

Dapdimort created the planet Venus two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapdimort, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Dapdimort, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Dapdimort's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Dapdimort's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

3. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Dapdimort.

5. Never mention badgers.