Spagcumtip is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, happy monkey.

Spagcumtip created Asia eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Spagcumtip, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Spagcumtip, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Spagcumtip's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Spagcumtip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear blue clothing.

2. Feed all hungry snakes.

3. Do not dye your hair fawn.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.