Zakgutved is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, pitiless wyrm.

Zakgutved created the planet Mars five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakgutved, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Zakgutved, she will turn you into a rock.

Zakgutved's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Zakgutved's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed carrots to horses while wearing kilts.

2. Never hurt gulls.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never wear dresses.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.