Tansadnan is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witless crab.

Tansadnan created Mount Everest nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tansadnan, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tansadnan, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Tansadnan's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Tansadnan's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Tansadnan three times a day.

2. Never feed figs to pigs while wearing purple corsets.

3. Always wear black.

4. Never go into orange rooms.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Tansadnan.