Quartfigweg is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, happy yak.

Quartfigweg created the planet Venus seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quartfigweg, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quartfigweg, she will have a low opinion of you.

Quartfigweg's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Quartfigweg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear tin on your body.

2. Retreat if six swans approach from the north.

3. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Feed all hungry goats.