Tiftentom is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, loving turtle.

Tiftentom created life six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tiftentom, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tiftentom, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tiftentom's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Tiftentom's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Hide from fawn squirrels for they are unholy.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not chant in public.