Hapfossmig is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, witless rat.

Hapfossmig created the cosmos four million years ago.

If you believe in Hapfossmig, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Hapfossmig, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Hapfossmig's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Hapfossmig's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Hapfossmig.

3. Never think about chlorophyll.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near sheep while wearing blue skirts and balancing four silver spheres on your neck.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.