Dutgonnart is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unsympathetic bear.

Dutgonnart created the planet Jupiter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutgonnart, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dutgonnart, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Dutgonnart's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Dutgonnart's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never feed garlic to capybaras while wearing black skirts.

3. Dutgonnart must be the most important thing in your life.

4. You must love Dutgonnart.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.