Tincapham is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, self-confident unicorn.

Tincapham created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tincapham, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tincapham, he will destroy your favourite star.

Tincapham's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Tincapham's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Do not speak about grapes.

5. Never go into yellow rooms.