Faswonmit Betkinrot is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, emotional penguin.

Faswonmit Betkinrot created oxygen twelve years ago.

If you believe in Faswonmit Betkinrot, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Faswonmit Betkinrot, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Faswonmit Betkinrot's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Faswonmit Betkinrot's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about monkeys.

2. Always help sheep.

3. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.