Butwiphas is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, fussy aardvark.

Butwiphas created dark energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Butwiphas, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Butwiphas, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Butwiphas' most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Butwiphas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never hurt ants.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Butwiphas.

4. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not wear copper on your body.