Ripvanbid is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, smart beaver.

Ripvanbid created the Black Eye Galaxy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Ripvanbid, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Ripvanbid, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Ripvanbid's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Ripvanbid's Holy Commandments

1. Ripvanbid must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near tortoises while wearing mauve corsets and balancing eight platinum spheres on your chest.

3. You must love Ripvanbid.

4. Mites are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.