Wig is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, resourceful squirrel.

Wig created a Higgs boson five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wig, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Wig, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Wig's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Wig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about porpoises.

2. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

3. Never feed lots of spinach to swans while wearing yellow kilts.

4. You must love Wig.

5. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.