Quillmitlak is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, omniscient tortoise.

Quillmitlak created the planet Venus three billion years ago.

If you believe in Quillmitlak, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Quillmitlak, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Quillmitlak's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Quillmitlak's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat manatees with great respect.

2. Never think about fluid mechanics near foxes while wearing red jumpers and balancing eight tin spheres on your feet.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near dogs while wearing green rings and balancing seven platinum spheres on your hands.

4. Always help sick doves.

5. Never mention nematodes.