Figkaplag is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, impressive lobster.

Figkaplag created a charm quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Figkaplag, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Figkaplag, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Figkaplag's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Figkaplag's Holy Commandments

1. Figkaplag must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Figkaplag.

4. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.

5. Never think about gravity.