Vabjopnak Mitsatnigweemis is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, loving beaver.

Vabjopnak Mitsatnigweemis created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vabjopnak Mitsatnigweemis, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vabjopnak Mitsatnigweemis, it will turn you into a dog.

Vabjopnak Mitsatnigweemis' most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Vabjopnak Mitsatnigweemis' Holy Commandments

1. Never hop near sharks.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vabjopnak Mitsatnigweemis.

4. Do not take Vabjopnak Mitsatnigweemis' name in vain.

5. Never go into pink rooms.