Fagbarnster is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, dishonest troll.

Fagbarnster created the solar system eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fagbarnster, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fagbarnster, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Fagbarnster's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Fagbarnster's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick pigs.

2. Heed all signs.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching iron.

4. Fagbarnster loves moths, so they must be respected.

5. Never point your chest toward the north during prayer.