Vanstigrap is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, passionate cobra.

Vanstigrap created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanstigrap, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vanstigrap, it will not invite you to parties.

Vanstigrap's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Vanstigrap's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured sharks.

2. Hide if nine gulls approach from the west.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.