Pighabquag is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, passionate parrot.

Pighabquag created a charm quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pighabquag, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Pighabquag, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Pighabquag's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Pighabquag's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight bats approach from the south.

2. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always take life seriously.