Jatsabqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, unthoughtful manatee.

Jatsabqueeg created an electron three million years ago.

If you believe in Jatsabqueeg, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jatsabqueeg, it will turn you into a dog.

Jatsabqueeg's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Jatsabqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Jatsabqueeg.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Run away from magenta doves, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never play with disobedient children.