Lennutquam is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unjust crab.

Lennutquam created time and space nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lennutquam, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lennutquam, she will turn you into a worm.

Lennutquam's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Lennutquam's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lennutquam.

2. Lennutquam loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

5. Do not drink alcohol.