Flapcipvid is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, dishonest spider.

Flapcipvid created a top quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapcipvid, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flapcipvid, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Flapcipvid's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Flapcipvid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dogs.

2. Never feed lots of onions to mites while wearing orange jumpers.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always help grasshopers.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.