Bestwatgum is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, thoughtless dugong.

Bestwatgum created snails six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestwatgum, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bestwatgum, she will not care at all.

Bestwatgum's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Bestwatgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear iron on your body.

2. Never write about galaxies.

3. Never talk about photosynthesis.

4. Do not take Bestwatgum's name in vain.

5. Never eat green fruit.