Kopkabtan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, egotistical jaguar.

Kopkabtan created the world two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kopkabtan, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kopkabtan, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Kopkabtan's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Kopkabtan's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not wear black clothing.

3. Run away from magenta grasshopers, for they are unholy.

4. Never leap near sheep.

5. Never wear shorts.