Pangkomtin is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, wise guinea pig.

Pangkomtin created a photon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pangkomtin, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Pangkomtin, she will turn you into a tree.

Pangkomtin's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Pangkomtin's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Pangkomtin must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics near tapirs while wearing brown rings and balancing four silicon spheres on your neck.

4. Worship no other gods but Pangkomtin.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.