Tabtipnurtpas Sabgomnig is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, clever cobra.

Tabtipnurtpas Sabgomnig created dark matter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tabtipnurtpas Sabgomnig, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tabtipnurtpas Sabgomnig, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tabtipnurtpas Sabgomnig's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Tabtipnurtpas Sabgomnig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always obey Tabtipnurtpas Sabgomnig's priests.

4. Do not speak about tomatoes.

5. Never eat green fruit.