Doggepvag is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, humane walrus.

Doggepvag created Africa six billion years ago.

If you believe in Doggepvag, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Doggepvag, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Doggepvag's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Doggepvag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never think about photosynthesis.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Run away if four great tits approach from the west.