Arpquimfedpingepflablarn is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unthoughtful swan.

Arpquimfedpingepflablarn created bats two billion years ago.

If you believe in Arpquimfedpingepflablarn, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Arpquimfedpingepflablarn, it will destroy your home planet.

Arpquimfedpingepflablarn's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Arpquimfedpingepflablarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

2. Always treat cats with great respect.

3. Arpquimfedpingepflablarn loves pigs, so they must be respected.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Arpquimfedpingepflablarn must be the most important thing in your life.