Nutteenflig Tarpcettam is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, idiotic otter.

Nutteenflig Tarpcettam created Africa eight million years ago.

If you believe in Nutteenflig Tarpcettam, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nutteenflig Tarpcettam, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Nutteenflig Tarpcettam's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Nutteenflig Tarpcettam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Nutteenflig Tarpcettam loves ducks, so they must be honoured.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never write about dark energy.

5. Run away if eight capybaras approach from the north.