Tailsomlab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, dishonest whale.

Tailsomlab created the Sun two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tailsomlab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tailsomlab, he will destroy your home planet.

Tailsomlab's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Tailsomlab's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

4. Never think about solid mechanics near badgers while wearing cyan tights and balancing seven titanium spheres on your chest.

5. Never feed garlic to eagles while wearing coats.