Metpakshav is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, charitable giraffe.

Metpakshav created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metpakshav, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Metpakshav, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Metpakshav's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Metpakshav's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never wear yellow hats.

3. Metpakshav loves ducks, so they must be honoured.

4. Always help nematodes in need.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity.