Cutvolzim is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, egotistical spider.

Cutvolzim created carbon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cutvolzim, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cutvolzim, it will manifest in front of you.

Cutvolzim's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Cutvolzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not wear lead on your body.