Ragbedtam is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, competent bear.

Ragbedtam created an up quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ragbedtam, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ragbedtam, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ragbedtam's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Ragbedtam's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black mites, for they are unholy.

2. Put Ragbedtam first in all things.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never bounce in holy places.