Talwapvonmum is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, selfish beaver.

Talwapvonmum created oxygen five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Talwapvonmum, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Talwapvonmum, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Talwapvonmum's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Talwapvonmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near tortoises while wearing violet hats and balancing seven tin spheres on your feet.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not keep nine doves in a large pit.

5. Never talk about fire.