Kikcinfly is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, moody clam.

Kikcinfly created the cosmos two million years ago.

If you believe in Kikcinfly, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Kikcinfly, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kikcinfly's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Kikcinfly's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed limes to foxes while wearing skirts.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not hurt pigs.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.