Gemrutttalkenbum is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, confident donkey.

Gemrutttalkenbum created the Cigar Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Gemrutttalkenbum, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gemrutttalkenbum, he will turn you into a dog.

Gemrutttalkenbum's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Gemrutttalkenbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed garlic to doves while wearing yellow tights.

2. Gemrutttalkenbum loves eagles, so they must be respected.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never wear magenta ear rings.

5. Whales are not to be trusted.