Lapbamjip is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, clever goose.

Lapbamjip created a charm quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapbamjip, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lapbamjip, she will turn you into a goat.

Lapbamjip's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Lapbamjip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt ants.

2. Hide from black snails for they are unholy.

3. Always wear white.

4. Put Lapbamjip first in all things.

5. Do not listen to music.