Kopmadsinwip Sawzigomin Kemsagbem is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, selfish hippopotamus.

Kopmadsinwip Sawzigomin Kemsagbem created parasitic wasps seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kopmadsinwip Sawzigomin Kemsagbem, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kopmadsinwip Sawzigomin Kemsagbem, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Kopmadsinwip Sawzigomin Kemsagbem's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Kopmadsinwip Sawzigomin Kemsagbem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Kopmadsinwip Sawzigomin Kemsagbem on top of all buildings.

4. Never feed lots of tomatoes to tortoises while wearing pink trousers.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near geese while wearing red shorts and balancing six aluminium spheres on your head.