Fitfetlik is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, staggering wombat.

Fitfetlik created silver three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitfetlik, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fitfetlik, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fitfetlik's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Fitfetlik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat figs.

2. Always wear orange.

3. Hide if five geese approach from the south.

4. Do not speak about corn.

5. Do not drink alcohol.