Tonksidjigfossbifwab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, unthinking cat.

Tonksidjigfossbifwab created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonksidjigfossbifwab, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Tonksidjigfossbifwab, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tonksidjigfossbifwab's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Tonksidjigfossbifwab's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat tomatoes.

2. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Tonksidjigfossbifwab in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always wear orange.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Tonksidjigfossbifwab.