Mettiknill Kadweenel is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, deceitful crane.

Mettiknill Kadweenel created the planet Saturn two million years ago.

If you believe in Mettiknill Kadweenel, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Mettiknill Kadweenel, it will be mildly annoyed.

Mettiknill Kadweenel's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Mettiknill Kadweenel's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate otters.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never eat cucumbers.

4. Do not dye your hair white.

5. Never think about dark energy.