Batkam is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, deceitful otter.

Batkam created the planet Mars two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batkam, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Batkam, he will manifest in front of you.

Batkam's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Batkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Batkam's name in vain.

2. Worship no other gods but Batkam.

3. Never talk about horses.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

5. Always stare at clouds.