Futsterflan is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, intelligent otter.

Futsterflan created time and space three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futsterflan, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Futsterflan, it will turn you into a puffin.

Futsterflan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Futsterflan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat cucumbers.

2. Never hurt pigs.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Futsterflan in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.