Tonkbonvon is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, cheerful centipede.

Tonkbonvon created humankind four million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkbonvon, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tonkbonvon, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Tonkbonvon's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Tonkbonvon's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Hide from green doves for they are unholy.

3. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Always stare at clouds.