Lingovyak is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, idiotic clam.

Lingovyak created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Lingovyak, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lingovyak, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Lingovyak's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Lingovyak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill hamsters.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never feed beans to shrews while wearing coats.

4. Run away if seven otters approach from the north.

5. You must never eat garlic.