Lanvonkkip is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, competent scorpion.

Lanvonkkip created the planet Mars four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanvonkkip, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lanvonkkip, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Lanvonkkip's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Lanvonkkip's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Erect three lead sculptures of Lanvonkkip on top of important buildings.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.