Nartvagapp is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, passionate walrus.

Nartvagapp created the cosmos two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartvagapp, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nartvagapp, she will manifest in front of you.

Nartvagapp's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Nartvagapp's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics.

2. Never talk about dogs.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not drink water in red rooms.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.