Belltitcad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, moody monkey.

Belltitcad created energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Belltitcad, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Belltitcad, she will throw large rocks at you.

Belltitcad's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Belltitcad's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never wear shirts.